Sweet Pikin True Life Story: My Friend's Consequences On Her Hatred For Mother-In-Laws

About forty years ago my classmate turned down a marriage proposal. At that time it was the pride of a young woman to be asked her hands in marriage especially from a well rounded young man. Well rounded I mean, financially okay, presentable and from a promising background. Having jilted the young man who had proposed to my friend, we asked several questions and behold the young man is well rounded as I have previously described. What could be the issue then? One Saturday morning on our regular market routine to cook for the family as both parents have adopted the same food rota life style, Promise confided in me that the so called well rounded young man has a mother. Still a state of awe I quickly brazed my mind through the qualities of a well rounded young man and even more. 

Whilst in a state of deep thought Mike fits into my exact picture of a well rounded young man like a peg in an exact hole; I queried promise immediately, “young woman, what is wrong with your brain, what has a mother in-law to do with marring a nice looking man like Mike?” Mike is in his early 30s, 6.1ft tall, shiny dark skin, clean shave with a pointed nose. Mike works with a successful construction company as a civil engineer; a God fearing background. What else could a young girl like promise want? She simply replied my much curiosity with, “simply because he has a mother”. I was not well familiar with the trend of no mother in-law no trouble buzz then, so, this aroused my state of confusion further as she refused to reek out any further reason to why rejected Mikes marriage proposal.

I was so upset with promise that I could not hold it back but called Cynthia and Queen our mutual best friends. I told them what promise had told me, in a similar reaction, they expressed surprise at her foolishness. All efforts from us to help her retrace her step on this myopic view about mother in-laws proved abortive. It was not long in 1977, she got married to a motherless man called Gabriel. She was so happy that her marital desire had been met. Gabriel was a great man of course well rounded young man without a mother. God blessed the marriage with two sons and two daughters. The Promise-Gabriel family was a typical example of marital excellence as their children also excelled in their various fields. The question often popped up, “this is what Promised had always described as a marriage without a mother in-law?” well; she could be right after all. Though my marriage was bliss, mother in-law inclusive but Cynthia’s mother in-law was a thorn in her flesh (a story for another day). I always wondered were promise got the orientation from that mother in-laws could be bad news.  Her marriage was fun though certain ups and downs which could be associated with marriage normally. I had the opportunity to even attend one of her son’s wedding. The son’s wedding was a huge celebration of life, friends and family gathered to enjoy the grand union and became the talk of the town.

While we did not clearly see the deep and intense misbehaviour Promise had put her husband through, we felt it was a normal marital issue. Were the husband had to cope in order to save his marriage, a brilliant husband indeed. Let me feed you in, about 15 years into this marriage, her father in-law had passed on at this time the late father in-law had to remarry but the wife was barren, so, the barren step-mother in-law came to live with my friend Promise and her family this was due to the death of the father in-law, the poor step-mother in-law was at that time too lonely to live alone. Promise does have this stereotyped view about mother in-law as we all know by now; she extended this view to her step-mother in-law. Promise became very wicked to her; she applied every method and strategy to make the poor woman’s life miserable and a life of hell on earth. Several close family members tried to advise her but to no avail. She was even cautioned to show the old woman love like a child will do to a mother, even by her own husband but such attempt by the sweet and caring man soon became unrest for the man. The step-mother in-law attempted several efforts to show respect and love to Promise but the old woman’s love met with insults and name calling. Every misfortune within the family was ascribed to the innocent old woman. This indolent act became unbearable for the husband, so he further attempted opposition moves against the wife’s action but was met with serious aggression. Gabriel endured her to avert a divorce. Through hunger n psychological trauma the barren woman eventually died. I had no knowledge of all these until now. Before now I lost contact with her.

Guess what; two weeks ago I came across my dear friend Promise she was looking so haggard, unkempt, depressed and downcast. I quickly enquired for what went wrong, she said to me, “Ruth, this is not sickness, but a show of suffer since my husband died three years ago". I then asked after her lovely and successful children, she said, "My daughters and sons in-laws and even my own children say I am a witch, they have warned me not to come close to their houses ever again". She suddenly broke into tears and told me the parts I had missed. Though her acts were ungodly, I felt so sorry for her and also asked, "How do then survive with no job or any business?” She had no tentative answer. She is currently in Edo State suffering" I quickly prayed with her, gave her ten thousand Naira and left.

What's your take on this, what are the attributes of bad daughters and mother in-laws, are all mother in-laws really bad, what is responsible for these stereotyped views from potential mother in-laws to be and finally do you think she deserves this kind of life?