Sweet Pikin True Life Stories: My Plague

I have a burden in my heart that is tearing me apart, few years ago…I was raped by a family friend and his brother and after the incident, he travelled out of the country but I never forgave him or his brother and I have not even forgiven myself for allowing such situation happen to me, This incident is the most painful I have experienced in my entire life. I was made to do all sort of things with their p*nis while I was

under a life threat, having messed with me, they finally had their way in but I was a virgin then. I begged them exhaustedly even asked them to consider God but they were consumed by their demons and insisted on the evil act they were carrying out on me. I hid everything in my heart and refused to tell my parents or siblings because I  thought no one will believe me

I was depressed and consumed with bitterness and hatred in my heart; in that emotional feelings I did one thing that I thought would palliate my feelings. After they raped me, right in front of them, I cursed their manhood and their generation; I told them they will be wanderers for the rest of their life. They actually laughed over it but years after I still feel the guilt in my heart as I am married but not happy because I refused to trust in anybody even my husband but the worst is not over as the curse has started manifesting gradually, The two brothers are currently worthless and miserable, they are doing nothing for a living at the moment. 

They have impregnated different girls but have found it difficult to settle down with any of their victims of pregnancy… They have gone to several places for special prayers but all they get is the same result. It was revealed to them that they have offended someone and deeply hurt the person to a near destruction state; they were advised to apologize to me in front of everyone including my husband. 

They must also explain in details what happened that night. My pain is that I have buried this secret in the innermost part of my heart and I can’t see myself going through the experience of even seeing their faces again, I have eventually grown hatred instead of Joy due to what happened and I can’t see myself being happy again. I really don’t want to forgive them………..What do I do?